Poll #1418566 Desired Webisode Genre
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 1

Imagine there is an internet show that you simply can not live without watching,which genre/subject would it belong to?

(please invite your friends to this poll,so there can be a wider range of people,thanks:D)

I miss something I haven't experienced..something I haven't had truly.Love...I miss love..I miss interacting with a person who is vulnerable to you and with you at the same time.An angel brought down to earth to surround you ,to protect you even from yourself.I never had that..I never let anyone be that -somebody- for me...I never kissed with love...The one that I give hope ..is not the one I know of that..I want to have what I want...haven't I suffered enough?Don't I deserve to have what I long for?

I hate that nothing I TRULY WANT haven't happened yet
I hate that I am the one who doesn't make things happen,I hate myself for this.I hate that I am waiting for a prince to wake me up,and I am a somewhat FEMINIST;I know that there is no prince and I am not a princess.
I hate that I cry to every fucking thing.
I hate that one of my best friends is irritating me though we spent so much time together,she tends to belittle my pain by exaggerating hers -everytime,no matter what the subject is- and the reason I stayed best friends with the other one because she has been living in another city for the last 5 years.
I hate this house because I believe there are -things- here whispering to me depressive things...which is working really.
Most of the nights when I go to sleep,I wish I would never wake up.Then I hate myself for it,because it is a selfish wish and I KNOW life can be beautiful if you work for it.
I hate that my mother isn't thrilled to read my stories,I pratically have to force it upon her.That's of course when I USED TO write..now I feel all the creativity has gone because I didn't use it when I had the muse.
I hate that my best friend rolls her eyes when I say something I wanna do about art,I want to slap her at that moment.I want understanding even if you think what I want is silly because I support her..I support everyone.
I hate that I am not one of those people,who take risks to do what they want and ACTUALLY do what they want.They are the happy ones..and with stories too...AND I AM JUST A SPOILED BRAT WHO DOESN'T KNOW THE VALUE OF LIFE...
NAR KEEP COMPLAINING..IT SUITS YOU...

I didn't go to work today..I was feeling -slightly- sick and I am not crazy about my job ...and my mom convinced me to stay at home because she was staying in also.
I am planning to move to Italy ,I have researching about universities,internship and language school but so far no luck..because to get into La Sapienza in Rome,I have to know Italian and money of course..to have money I have to work..at least as an intern..and for that I have to know Italian..don't get me wrong..these are all the things I wanna do but who would give me a job..me who has no experience in the field I want...CİNEMA&ART..
Bleh...
I need to cheer up

Feeling Good by *jade0307 on deviantART

I fell in love with this picture the moment I saw it on DA,and it was to my surprise that this lovely thing was created by a Turk.
The colors there and picture itself is so comforting ,don't you think?

Here is my list,I will add when I remember there is more;
1.I graduated from university -24 of June-:yes,it was a rocky 4 years period spent studying a major that I grew to hate but now I see it will be useful to me in future.
2.I lived abroad for 4 and a half month:In Poland,that specific country was not a dream of mine but living abroad was.
3.I kissed a boy for the very first time in my life:he was not someone I loved but someone I trusted somewhat.
4.I started to work for the first time in my life,and still working.


There should be more...
Coming soon..

All taken from National Geographic website.

Now,who can tell me which photo holds a special meaning to me,I mean it is obvious but..the trick is you should tell me the reason also..come on ladies..

Isn't this relaxing?

No matter where you go
No matter what you do
No matter how long
We'll all end up in the same place
Then it won't matter
who we have been here,trapped with label and judgments
At last,as equals we will rise.

Orgasm by ~MrEvilFX on deviantART


So Sex by ~SkyStill on deviantART


Orgasm: Sounds of love 8 by ~Quelarie83 on deviantART


Orgasm by ~educatedfool89 on deviantART

I remember,not too long ago when the holidays came,me and my mother would go to his house for the holiday dinner,last year,the year before that ...each year.We would dress up but not too willingly because aside from seeing him,we knew that the night was not going to be too pleasant because of what happend in the past,even before I was born;because of what was notnhappening at those hours when we were supposed to bound.Maybe it was the reason that she and he were drinking that much.

 

“One more for the road..”he would say,pouring cold water to raki for her daughter while the eyes of the child,my eyes were motioning,trying to tell him “no”,but they wouldn’t listen,never listened like I was saying somethng stupid,something childish or illogical.

 

We would sit around the table.I ,my mother,he and his wife whom he married to after my grandmother divorced him,or vice versa,I have never asked that part.His wife would be the focal point of my mother’s anger and discomfort,no matter how she acted nice,the past wouldn’t stop hauting my mother’s mind...then comes the tension with it.Anyway I am not going to make this story about her,but I believe that she has a huge part in our hardly-existing relationship with him ...she is the reason that we could never be a true grandfather  and grandchild.

 

Today was the first day of our holiday,today we dressed up willingly,especially for him.His ex wife,my grandmother joined this tradition too.We were more elegant than we were ever before.We didn’t go to his house,he wasn’t living there anymore.

 

My mother stood just before his grave,looked at the flower planted –probably by his wife-,I stood a little away from her and grandmother opened a book and started reading a prayer for his soul.I tried to talk to him in my mind,but what can be said to a body 6 feet under.My tears filled my eyes,I guess I couldn’t get over his passing ;how I learnt that is a big effect too.

 

When my mother told me that he passed away,we were coming back from a dinner out,the day I came back to Turkey.I had found some rolls of paper behind our cars as I was grabbing my baggage to take it up to our flat.I was probably numbed because of the flight that day.

 

I grabbed the papers and asked mom “what is this?”My grandmother answered

 

“They are from flowers sent to your grandfather”

 

“why?

 

“why do you think?”

 

I looked at mom and started crying in the middle of the street.I don’t remember if I’ve let her hug me because usually I am not comfortable sharing my tears or may feelings of sorts with people.

 

Today we went to him,as if we were going to dinner with him...

 

Alltogether...

 

as a family.

 

 

I just recieved a phonecall from my father.He said that my sister is having problems with her mother.He told me that her mother has found pills in her room;vitamins...sedatitves...She is 15 years old,I have always worried about her because she was not like me(this is not my ego speaking)I always had a mind of an adult when I was younger,but she..she is like those punk kids you see on the street.Not exactly like them but she always tried out new trends,you could see her as a rocker,a punk,a hiphopper and such...she was trying to find herself somehow,her identity.Now these pills??What is she trying to do?
We dont talk much with her because well we have seperate lives but I love and care for her and so she does for me,I know that.When we do get together,she subtly tells me that we should get together much more..I know we need to,she is the only sister(some might say half-sister because we dont have the same mom,only the father,but she IS my sister no matter what).I am going to tell her that we will be meeting this weekend,I want to talk to her about what has happened but I dont want to approach her in a wrong way,you know,the way most of the parents do.How can  I easily tell her that she should not take pills unless they are prescribed by a doctor or that she should not look out for trouble just to live "freely"...*sighs*

Dear Diary,
I have been contributing to the consumption world a lot lately,buying anything in sight.When they say money can't buy happiness,they are right but not entirely:P.I bought Edgar Allan Poe's book set.One large book of all of his stories and one relatively thinner one,that's of all of his poems.Poems are both in English and in Turkish,that's my favourite part.Why Poe ,you may ask.Once upon a time when I was taking directing(film) classes,I was friends with a boy in my class,when we started to talk and he got to know me,he said that I would like Poe's works very much because he thought Poe was fitting for my way of thinking and etc.After 3 years,I finally bought it and luckily the seller sold me a copy which was 10$ lesser than rest of the copies just because the quality of the paper was poorer but the quality of the material in the book is the same so it is all good for me:)(Besides I didnt notice anything odd with quality of the book anyway)

We are having a Tolga Cevik Mania in the house.He is a Turkish actor/comedian whom is our favourite.After a show that we watched in theatre,live,we stole the poster from outside the theatre when the audience were leaving,we hung it on our living room door.I say Mania because we treat the man (who is in poster,Tolga)as if he was living with us but we couldnt quite decide his role;my husband to be or my dad to be,see my mom is crazy about him too.I tease her a lot about that:P

See the poster in our saloon.It is not the same poster,the dates are different on ours but the pose is the SAME

( More pictures under the cut,which I took my precious time to upload them for your viewing so go n there wenches!! I <3 U )

I am afraid to be a noone in this world because from the starting point of my life,from the moment that I came to realization that I am alive,I believed that when I grew up,I would be someone;someone that people would look up to eventhough my years would set an appearance of my youth,someone that would not give up on their dreams ,no matter what and pursue it strongly till they reach the success,someone who is not easily scared away.What I am now?Nothing,I haven’t become that person andI haven’t succeeded to fail myself yet because I haven’t started to live my life.

 

I realized that very much existence of this fear will be the sole thing that will make way for my own destruction.The fear of failure will bring me to it,faster maybe.I am not going to let it,.I,from this moment,will have a clear mind which will only work optimisticly –exceptional situations excluded-.I will begin to have a free mind and soul.Free spirit,this term came to my mind when I was thinking of our life after this one on Earth.In my opinion,we will live after death ,and these little hold-backs in this life will be regrets that we won’t be able to take back or re-do.And when I reach that point,when I die and think about my time on Earth,I want to say “Yes,I have spent my time ,my life very well..I lived a good life,I became me,the person that I wanted to be.”

 

It is going to be a tough road because the years I have practiced this fear are many;I will have to clean my plate first then get on with my future healtily.

 

Thanks for listening dolls ...

why am I not ever satisfied with my life?It is a different thing to want more of life..and this is different..I cant be happy..why god whyyyy?help me..

I am not a person to act on impluses,I rather stop and think and plan if I am going to move.Though I tend to think in too much detail thusly making me my move slow and that is a bad thing my friends.What I am saying is that I am inhuman most of the times,I rest in myself,looking through my eyesockets,observing people around me.Most of the time,I am rather triggered to test them,thinking of it like a chemical reaction now,they are the base and I often think what would happen if I add an X-chemical to the solution,I admit that I play my part in the reaction process too,hidden in the disguise,letting them think I react just like them though I often want a special person to acknowledge me truly,but all they see is my disguise sadly. 

I don’t usually feel something,but when I do,it is very concentrated,it either kills from pain or from joy.And the void is very strong too,each second it is trying to expand and the easiest thing is to let it when the thoughest thing is fight against it.But I want to feel something,deep from my heart,feel something other than unnecessary worry,maybe I just want to feel alive and extraordinary.

I feel very inadequate..very small ,very insignificant and like a failure right now...

Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where’s the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?

Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need

I need a hero
I’m holding on for a hero ‘til the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding on for a hero ‘til the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life (larger than life)

Somewhere after midnight
In my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There’s someone reaching back for me

Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat
It’s gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet

I need a hero
I’m holding on for a hero ‘til the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding on for a hero ‘til the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life

I need a hero
I’m holding on for a hero ‘til the end of the night

Up Where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I could swear that there’s someone somewhere
Watching me
Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach
Like a fire in my blood

I need a hero
I’m holding on for a hero ‘til the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding on for a hero ‘til the morning light
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life


DAMN RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know how I said I keep a pepper spray tucked under my pillow ,right?Well yesterday night I have found myself spraying it to the air while I was ASLEEP,I heard the sound,I felt little particles drop on my face after reaching the peak in the air. What's this?Soon I'll begin to spray -people- in my sleep.Sleepsprayer..my nerves mus be wrecked..

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The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name